Another sign of the apocalypse. . .

16-year-old Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn Spears has announced that she's pregnant. Brit's sister says the father is her longtime live-in boyfriend.

She's freakin' sixteen--how can anything be "longtime" for her???

And since when do sixteen-year-olds get to have a live-in boyfriend? Hell, I wasn't even allowed to have a pet!

Women's Murder Club

If you are not watching this crackerjack show, you should be. Angie Harmon is a revelation as police lieuteneant Lindsay Boxer, and the supporting cast is strong as well. As with most hour-long TV, the mystery itself can sometimes be fairly easy to solve, but it is the depth in the characters and situations that makes this show a real winner.

Friday nights at 9 eastern on ABC.

This is so cool!

From the Courier-Journal

NOT From the Courier-Journal

From today's Courier-Journal

From today's Courier-Journal

From the Sunday Courier-Journal

Another cartoon this week

4th time this week! When will it end?

From Saturday's paper

My third published cartoon

Here's my latest to be published, again in the Louisville (KY) Courier-Journal. It lampoons our corrupt Republican administration, and the expensive slogan they had created to sell Kentucky to the world.

Price is Right replacement announced

Drew Carey will come on down as Bob Barker's replacement on The Price Is Right. Those of you who watched the American version of Whose Line Is It Anyway will realize what an enormous mistake this is: Carey makes the game all about himself, trying to steal as many punchlines as he can. That is the antithesis to what Bob did; he let the contestants create the humor, he was just the shepherd.

Look for The Price is Right to die a slow death under Carey's stead.

Herr President

President George W. Bush is scheduled to undergo a routine colonoscopy on Saturday at Camp David, MD, his spokesman said Friday.

Tony Snow said the president will transfer the presidential powers to Vice President Dick Cheney while he is under anesthesia.

The president's doctors say they expect to find that he his full of sh*t.

From todays Inbox:

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an
unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and
cattle
ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident
that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the
federal government.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948,
exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld,
Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all
born.>



See what happens when aliens breed with sheep? This information may
clear
up a lot of questions.

Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move but should, use the WD-40.
If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

From todays Inbox:

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit
all day by the door
of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks
past. For this, I
will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How
about only ten years
and I'll give you back the other ten"?

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
"Entertain people, do
tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a
twenty-year life
span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did"?

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You
must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under
the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For
this, I will give you a
life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me
to live for sixty
years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other
forty"?

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat,
sleep, play, marry and
enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty
years."

But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly
give me my twenty,
the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave
back, and the ten the
dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"?

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the
sun to support our
family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to
entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on
the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. Now go forth.

From todays Inbox:

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner or on your toe.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath : When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Rewarding the Dilatory

Intuit, maker of TurboTax and other tax software, had its servers overwhelmed by last-minute filers on Monday. They were processing up to 60 returns a second from yahoos who wait until the last minute. Yes, this was the day after the normal deadline and people STILL had not filed. Now, Intuit is going to refund the filing fee to those folks whose returns were not accepted due to the logjam. Yes, by all means, lets reward the folks who didn't file in, say, FEBRUARY. Let's reward everyone who waited till the last minute and created the very problem for which they are being rewarded.

I have a better idea--let's refund money to everyone who filed a couple of months before the deadline and make the dilatory idiots pay extra!

Stop the Madness

It's tax day, and the post office is open late. Again. How much money is wasted every year paying people to work the post office pickups, police to monitor the lines, etc., all so idiots can drive up and mail their tax forms at the last possible moment? What, they didn't know the deadline?

Stop this lunacy at once: Taxes are due April 15th at midnight, and if you can't get to the post office during regular business hours during any of the many weeks prior to the 15th, then you just need to dig a hole and bury yourself in it. As we often do in this country, we are spending good money to coddle people who won't step up and take care of their own business. Ultimately, the rest of us have to pay for their inadequacy.

Enough!

Harvey Fierstein Op-Ed

Click on the title above to read a wonderful piece written by Harvey Fierstein. He offers an interesting take on the Imus scandal and our responsibilites as a people. Good reading.

"Justice" is swift

Okay, please explain to me why the liberal radio host gets fired, but Limbaugh, Coulter, Savage, Hannity, O'Reilly and all the other conservative hosts of the world continue to broadcast filth that is equally as offensive as what Don Imus has said? They've been doing it for years, rarely with any sort of apology, and we continue to let them, as do their corporate sponsors.

Likewise, the Reverends Sharpton and Jackson have never apologized for their own unfortunate word choices. Perhaps now they should.

While we're at it, let's ban what passes for "music" and features some of the filthiest language and attitudes you will ever hear. It needs to go, all of it, in any form. We as a citizenry must demand the return of civility.

Spare me your cries of "But what about free speech?" I absolutely support free speech and the rights of each of us to spout anything--anything--we so desire. What I'm talking about is a higher calling for each of us: the desire to neither use or tolerate this kind of divisive and destructive language. I'm calling for restraint, not censorship. If we all can stop using this language, and if we stop supporting businesses that condone its use by their sponsorship of its users, then I think the marketplace of ideas will respond and the language will slowly disappear. Remember, even though the First Amendment says we can say any hateful, evil, despicable thing that comes to mind, that doesn't mean that we should. That's not censorship; it is a return to the decency upon which this country was founded, and which we seem to have forgotten in the last decade or so.

The brilliant Roy Zimmerman

Click on the headline above to see the funniest web video of the week courtesy of YouTube. While you're there, check out Roy's other videos. They are all very, very funny!

Baby Daddy Derby

Hallelujah! Larry Birkhead is the father!

Now, Howard, give him the freakin' kid, and then crawl back into whatever sleazy pit from whence you came.

The world can resume spinning now.

Don Imus

Okay, first of all, Imus has a face made for radio. If you've ever "watched" his radio show on MSNBC, you may understand that it is one of the biggest wastes of airtime--EVER. Why photograph a radio show? Hello? Why would anyone want to watch him wear that stupid hat and mumble and slur his way through two hours of airtime?

But I digress. As for his truly sad and unfortunate "joke," I believe him when he says he is not a racist, and that he told a really bad and offensive joke. Most of us have told a joke before that afterward was clearly out of line, but we're not on the radio. My problem is with his punishment: I do not believe he should be pulled off the air, but what kind of punishment is a "two-week suspension"? What, like he'll have to go dumpster diving to afford to eat??? It translates into a two-week vacation, and is no real punishment. Think again, CBS and MSNBC, and see if you can't come up with something more fitting.

B.C. cartoonist dies

American cartoonist Johnny Hart, known as the creator of the comic strip B.C. and co-creator of the strip The Wizard of Id, has died of a stroke at his home in Nineveh, N.Y., at 76.

In recent years, Hart used his cartoon B.C. to promote a Christ-centered agenda. This seems quite odd to me, since belief in the Bible as the literal word of God negates the possibility of dinosaurs, cavemen, and, therefore, the comic strip that made Hart a rich household name. Ironic, ain't it?

American Idol

This Sanjia kid on American Idol has become sad. He sings only slightly better than the poor kid who was on last year and kept getting passed through, even though he could not sing. Sanjia reminds me of George W. Bush: no matter how foolish he looks or how far out-of-tune with the rest of the world he is, he still keeps getting a pass.

My latest unpublished cartoon

The Secret

Okay, if the key to The Secret is believing in something until veins bulge on the side of your neck, then please explain why I have not yet won the lottery. I've been believing in and spending that money for nearly twenty years, and still not a dime. Freakin' statistical laws!

Justin Bilicki

Meet the Robinsons

This is the first CG Disney film exec-produced by Pixar's John Lasseter. It's not fully up to the Pixar standard, but it is an excellent first effort. Be sure to see it in Disney Digital 3-D: The film's depth of field is astonishing. Sure, there are some pop-off-the-screen effects, but the 3-D really delivers in "simple" scenes like a rainy street or flying in the time machine. It's witty without now-ubiquitous pop culture references, and it plays sly homage to everything from Disney World to Jurassic Park. This is a great film for the whole family, the first must-see animated film of the year, and sure to be nominated in its category come Oscar time.

Please flush after use

It was reported today that KFC has sold 81 MILLION "Famous Bowls" since the product was introduced last year. Here's a description of one, quoted from KFC's website: This bowl is freshly prepared with layers of your KFC favorites, including a generous serving of seasoned rice, sweet kernel corn and bite-sized pieces of all-white meat crispy chicken. Then it's all topped with our home-style gravy and a three-cheese blend. There's a picture of one above. Now, I'm sorry: It may be indescribably delicious, but it looks like something I ate yesterday that I couldn't keep down, you know? It's like some SNL commercial parody:

"We start with the goodness of Corn Flakes. Then we pile on buttered peas, ranch dressing, creamy grits, and a sprinkle of diced celery. We top that with ground beef sauteed in fajita seasoning, dollop on sour cream, green onions, and blue cheese. The we add the goodness of baby shrimp and top it all off with chopped walnuts. It's our new "Toilet Bowls."

"Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens." --Nick Diamos

Since ignorance of the law is not an acceptable excuse in court, why has America been so accepting of the "Ignorance Defense" from the Administration and disgraced congressmen? Their popular refrain always begins with "I do not recall. . ." Alberto Gonzales became the latest to use this overworked "explanation," and it has long since worn thin. The translation, of course, is "I remember all too well but would never admit it--even under oath--because I don't want to have to shower with Bubba."

I hope they'll be wearing protection!

Associated Press
Mar. 30, 2007 11:44 AM

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - West Virginia may have won the National Invitational Tournament, but the Mountaineers' commemorative T-shirts are less than championship material.

They contain a misspelling.

The "West Virginia" printed on the shirts players wore after winning the NIT title with a 78-73 victory over Clemson on Thursday night is missing the last "i" in "Virginia."

The shirts read "West VIRGINA."

West VIRGINA will be playing the Gamecocks next. Seriously.

In case you missed it. . .

Miss Oprey did a BIG backpedal this week! After hosting that opportunistic moron Rhonda Byrne twice and thereby creating the BIG THING in publishing, OW is stepping back from The Secret a little (No, not THAT secret...girl will never divulge that one! Right, Gayle?)
No, I'm talking about the book and DVD called The Secret--the secret being that it's mainly a rehash of Norman Vincent Peale's crap, er, work. Think positively about things, and they will occur! It's amazing!
Oprey--who has admittedly done TONS of good in the world--can also smell a lawsuit a mile away, and hence the backpedalling. Seems a woman was foregoing a mastectomy to treat her terminal cancer and was instead believing in the healing power of The Secret because she heard it from Oprey. That sound you heard was Oprah's legal team diving for the phones and the digitalis! Nice save, girl.

We don't need no stinkin'. . .

Have you stepped outside lately and caught a whiff of the odor of springtime? That noxious odor that causes your sinuous to draw up in protest? It smells like the grease trap at Long John Silvers. It's Bradford Pear time, the ubiquitous white-blooming trees that people have planted everywhere. They really smell, but they are beautiful when in bloom. Bad News: that beauty only lasts for about three weeks, and the rest of the year they are Generica ugliosa. These fast-growing trees are also weak, which means that springtime thunderstorms will likely send them onto your car or through the kitchen window. There are newer varieties out there that are purported to be stronger, but I suspect they still smell like roadkill. Give me a dogwood any day.

Bilicki strikes again

Another of my famous unpublished cartoons

Control Freak?

Flash Headlights--Garage Doors Open

Why does my visor-mounted garage-door transmitter always seem to fail when it's the most inconvenient?
I can go for weeks at a time and have no problems, and then a grocery day comes and the ice cream is puddling in the trunk, or we get one of those spotty Kentuckiana storms -- right over my driveway -- that invariably drenches me to the bone and completely misses the daylilies in my front yard.
I check the garage-door opener's batteries regularly, I maintain the receiver and door tracks assiduously, and yet I'm often reduced to banging the remote a few times on the dashboard just to get it to work. Sometimes even that fails.
Enough of that foolishness! I've discovered the niftiest little car gadget, and it can be installed by a patient amateur in about 30 minutes. It's called Flash2Pass™, and it works with virtually any garage-door opener manufactured since 1982. This baby is guaranteed to give a tingle to the gadget guru in your household.
The transmitter wires are attached with quick crimp connectors to your car's headlight high beam positive wire and to the ground wire on your car, and the transmitter is non-polarized, so you can't do it incorrectly. The receiver is designed to replace the push button inside your garage.
The directions provided by the manufacturer are very clearly written, but you definitely must read them before you begin. The connections are really quite simple to make with the included connectors. But here's fair warning: If you get frustrated easily working in tight spaces, let your spouse do the wiring! The work is easy, but patience is a must as the space can be tight in some vehicles.
Operating the remote is amazingly simple. Flash your bright headlights twice, and the garage door opens. The system has proved infinitely more reliable than my old opener, and there are no more batteries to buy. The unit also features a unique "Doggie Door" feature that allows the garage door to be stopped in a partially opened state to allow pets to enter and exit.
There are many advantages to replacing your traditional opener with this system. A small one-time investment gets you the maintenance-free system. There is no remote transmitter to get lost or stolen, and there is no battery to buy or replace as the system gets its power from the car. The system uses a digitally-encrypted signal and rolling code technology for ultimate security, and up to six transmitters may operate a single receiver, for multiple-car households. Additional receivers may be installed elsewhere and programmed to your Flash2Pass-equipped vehicle, so you can use the same remote at home that you use at the lake house, for example.
Some gated communities have adopted the system for a true gate-to-garage system.
If you've ever suffered the frustration of an opener that doesn't work every time, or you simply want the one-hand convenience of an opener operated by your car's headlight switch, you should order a Flash2Pass.

The Ultimate Tan: Brown, But Not Crispy.

From my Mom:
Those of us of a certain age will remember when summer meant baking in the hot sun coated with baby oil, and adding a few drops of iodine to enhance your tan so you’d be ready to don shorts or a swimsuit without looking ghostly. Years later, with permanently damaged skin, we discovered that what we thought was a healthy look was in fact leading us to disaster. Even with the abundant medical information today about sun damage to the skin, people continue to sunbathe or go to tanning salons to achieve the “summer look.”

As one of the guilty people who loves a tan, I’ve realized in recent years the error of my ways and have not stayed in the sun as much. This is like closing the barn door, but better late than never. I admit to forays into the tanning bed, but the results were expensive and had to be maintained. This year I decided to say “no” to further skin damage, but as June became a reality, I realized I needed some color. I wanted to brown without baking.

I enjoy keeping up with fashion and makeup trends (does one ever get too old?), and I subscribe to magazines for all the latest news. Recently, I saw an ad for Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer. I’ve previously used self-tanning products which left me streaky and/or with orange hands, so I admit I was skeptical. However, who could resist the idea of a moisturizer that would, over several days, leave you with soft skin and a “naturally glowing color?”

The first two stores I tried were sold out, with only black holes where the product should have been. One clerk told me “We can’t keep it stocked.” This seemed a good omen: If the moisturizer was selling out, it had to be good.

A few days later, I checked back and found a plentiful supply on hand, so I bought a tube. I’ve been using it after bathing each morning for over a week, letting it dry before dressing. The “glow” began showing in two or three days. I wash my hands after each application, so I don’t have orange hands and the color on my skin is even. Could it be any simpler? Unlike other sunless tanners, this product has not stained my clothing or sheets, either. This Golden Girl with the golden glow has retired the baby oil and iodine for good!

The product’s one downside is that the moisturizer contains no sunscreen, but since you’re presumably using the product because you’re already avoiding the sun, this omission is negligible.

Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer sells for $6 to $8. The product moisturizes as it creates its “glow,” so it’s very economical.

Here’s to a safe glow!

Casino Royale

An amazing accomplishment: the revitalization of a dying and overwrought franchise choking on its own conventions (invisible car, anyone?). Daniel Craig is the best Bond since. . .well, since ever (Sorry, Sean!). This movie is a must-see for any Bond fan, and movie fan, or anyone who loves a good thriller. Amazing action, solid performances all around (even the Bond Girl featured is not the vapid airhead we have come to expect). Superb!

Meet a great cartoonist

This is the work of Justin Bilicki, whose astute and biting observations of our world may be seen at www.bilicki.us

Justin's blog is at drawblood.blogpsot.com

Thanks to Justin for letting me post his work here!

From todays Inbox:

Did you ever wonder. . .

• Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
• Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
• Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
• Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
• Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
• Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
• You know that indestructible Black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
• Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
• Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
• If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
• If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

The Best

I've got a column in the Louisville Courier-Journal today touting the virtues of the Squeeze Knife. Click on the title above to check it out!

GWB

President Bush decried the funding bill approved by the House today as "political theatre" by the Democrats. He said this, straight-faced, as he stood with uniformed members of the services and their families standing behind him at a hastily called press conference.

The man has no shame.

Deaf plan silent protest at Capitol

Actual headline from Florida Today. Idiots.

We have an annual psychic convention in town, and it is always advertised well in advance on a local hotel marquee. I've always wondered why? Wouldn't the psychics already "know" when and where the convention is taking place?

Shenanigans

Word is that Harriet Meyers and Karl Rove will be allowed by the White House to speak to investigators about the Attorney General firing scandal. Many people seem upset that they will not be speaking under oath.

Does it really matter? Karl Rove will say what he wants to say, under oath or not, and nothing more. I have no doubt that he would perjure himself if it were politically advantageous to do so. These people truly have no real love of this country and its citizens; they crave only power and money, and not necessarily in that order.

That idiot Tom Delay was on NPR today (selling his new book, of course). He kept rambling on about the righteousness of going after Bill Clinton, but how he (Delay) was guilty of a Democratic witch hunt.

'Cause you know, all that money and corruption had nothing to do with his downfall.

Thou Shalt Not Jiggle.

According to NPR, Hooters restaurants has announced the opening of a branch in the Holy Land of Tel Aviv.

This will probably not end well.

From todays Inbox:

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer.

She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck," he said. "Get the $*#@ away from me."

The truthiness finally comes out.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed may have exaggerated his role in the 31 terrorist plots he claims to have been responsible for, according to US officials.

Ya think? This man has been under US custody since 1993 without benefit of counsel, and has probably been tortured every day for the last four years. As usual, his "confession" comes at a time when the administration is in deep trouble in this country, a process we've seen used before to divert attention away from the real issues.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed has claimed responsibility for 9/11, the WTC bombings in 1993, and the execution of Daniel Pearl, among over two dozen acts for which he claims personal responsibility. How much longer until he also claims he killed JFK, shot J.R., murdered Ron Goldman, and fathered Anna Nicole's baby?

We are America, and we must live up to the moral values that our President claims to support. Torture is never--NEVER--acceptable from us. That is the sort of behavior that others exhibit. Remember them? The people we oppose? The Evildoers? When we stoop to these moral lows, we are no better than those we accuse. In fact, we're worse: At least they don't lie about doing bad things.

From the Inbox. . .

A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Paul 's flatmate, Simon , was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking Mum, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates".
About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since your Mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well I doubt it," said Paul , "but I'll email her just to be sure".
So he sat down and wrote:
DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PAUL.
Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:
DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON , AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON .....BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE BLOODY FRYING PAN BY NOW!!
LOVE MUMx

From the BBC. . .

Actor John Inman, most famous for the comedy Are You Being Served?, has died in London aged 71, his spokesman said.

Inman made his name in the 1970s show as Mr Humphries, whose catchphrase "I'm free!" entered popular culture.

In recent years he was a pantomime regular, most often taking the role of the dame. He also made appearances in BBC comedy show Revolver in 2004.

The Preston-born actor died in hospital and had been suffering from a Hepatitis A infection for some time.

In Memorium

The incredible Betty Hutton has passed away at the age of 86.  Hutton was the fresh-faced chanteuse who was adept at both physical comedy and song.  A natural beauty, Hutton is known for films like The Perils of Pauline, Annie Get Your Gun, and The Greatest Show on Earth.  Betty Hutton was a true original and will be sorely missed.

The Home Office gets the jitters. . .

In a story about Starbucks losing its "soul," NPR mentioned this morning that a Consumer Reports taste test found that McDonald's coffee rated higher with consumers than the ubiquitous caffeine chain's java.  Disturbing, no doubt, for the Seattle bean counters.  Good news for coffee drinkers, however, since you can't get a Breakfast Burrito at Starbuck's.

from Glamour Magazine. . .

"It’s like a wedding but with a twist: Young women exchange rings, take vows and enjoy a first dance…with their dads. “Purity balls” are the next big thing in the save-it-till-marriage movement. Smart or scary?"

That's the lead line from an article in Glamour magazine this month, and let me just say "Ewwwww!"

From NPR

NPR reports this morning that Halliburton is moving its CEOs to the country of Dubai.
No doubt to more easily avoid prosecution in US courts. You may remember Dubai from the infamous Dubai ports deal, the attempt to place US ports under the purvey of this country. Wonder just what the connection is between Dubya & Co. and Dubai? They just keep appearing together, don't they? Dubai also has not taxes on businesses or individuals, so those Halliburton traitors can keep even more of the 33 BILLION in net profit they earned last year (a huge amount of which came from YOUR tax dollars, America).

Not a good week for the Right

Did you hear about Cpl. Matt Sanchez?

Cpl. Sanchez became a hero to the radical fringe recently when he claimed he'd been called a "baby killer" by liberals on the Columbia University campus, supposedly because he was wearing his US Marines uniform.  There is apparently no evidence anything of the sort happened — and yet CPAC awarded Sanchez the Jeanne Kirpatrick Academic Freedom Award this year.

Oops! In addition to the questionable veracity of his story, turns out Sanchez may be better known as Rod Majors, gay porn actor.  Majors appeared in at least twelve explicit gay porn flicks.  Now he's a conservative darling, appearing with Billo, Hannity, Man Coulter, and others.

Having sex for money in a movie makes you a whore.

Spouting lies to appease a group and receive remuneration (financial or otherwise) makes you a whore.

But appearing in photos with Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Ann Coulter?  That's Haz-Mat worthy!

They let this guy drive??!!???

CHANDLER, Ariz. (AP) - A man who started a small fire while cooking methamphetamine drove to a Wal-Mart to buy a fire extinguisher when he couldn't put out the flames, sheriff's deputies said.
Jonathan Zaletel, 19, was greeted by Maricopa County deputies when he returned to his condominium late Tuesday, Lt. Paul Chagolla said.
The flames had been extinguished by a sprinkler system, and arriving firefighters found a small meth lab in the closet. A toaster oven being used to cook the drug had caught fire, Chagolla said, and Zalatel had tried putting it out using water and window cleaner before deciding to go buy the fire extinguisher.
Zalatel was booked on suspicion of manufacturing dangerous drugs, possession of chemicals and equipment to manufacture dangerous drugs, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and criminal damage.

From todays Inbox:

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of their first stops was the Breeding bull exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a Sign attached that said, "This bull mated 52 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "See ... He mated 52 times last year? ....that's once-a-week."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 125 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third Pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said "That's once a DAY. You could REALLY learn something from this one!"

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."

Top Stories - AP

Coulter Comes Out as Transvestite Trickster
Fri Mar 2, 7:03 PM ET

Top Stories - AP
WASHINGTON - Shock-pundit Ann Coulter dismayed her right-wing fans today when she admitted to being a cross-dressing man in Friday's press conference. "This started as a joke, as satire, and I think that it has just gone to far." he said to a startled press.


Ann Coulter was born Fredrick Guebermann, of Des Moines, IA. Fredrick moved to San Fransisco on the 1980's to start a career in drag shows. There, he worked under several stage names, including "Crystal Dawn" and "Rosie the Rocket".
"The point of drag shows is to take things over the top, to really push the boundaries of what we think about. Normally, this is done in a very physical way, with lots of glam and glitter. I wanted to see what would happen if I tried to look normal, but act over the top." Ann said to the press.

Little Black Dress

Coultergeist is at it again, and sinking to familiar lows. Read about it here:
http://www.mediainfo.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003553226

Can someone please hire her a stylist? While a little black dress is a classic, one cannot wear a cocktail dress--especially the same cocktail dress--at any time of day or night. Ick!

From todays Inbox:

KENTUCKY TRIVIA

1816 - (first promoted) Mammoth Cave, with 336+ miles of mapped passages, is the world's longest cave. It is 379 feet deep and contains at least 5 levels of passages. It's second only to Niagara Falls as the most popular tourist attraction in the US. It became a National Park on July 1, 1941. . .
1856 - The first enamel bathtub was made in Louisville. . .
1883 - The first electric light bulb was shown in Louisville. Thomas Alva Edison introduced his invention to crowds at the Southern Exposition. . .
1887 - Mother's Day was first observed in Henderson by teacher Mary S. Wilson. It became a national holiday in 1916. . .
1893 - "Happy Birthday to You", probably the most sung song in the world, was written by two Louisville sisters - Mildred & Patricia Hill. . .
Late 19th cent - Bibb lettuce was first cultivated by Jack Bibb in Frankfort, Kentucky. . .
1896 - The first (known) set of all male quintuplets was born in Paducah. . .
1934 - Cheeseburgers were first tasted at Kaelin's restaurant in Louisville. . .
1937 - The first Wigwam Village Motel, with units in the shape of a"teepee", was built by Frank A. Redford in Cave City. . .
Chevrolet Corvettes are manufactured only in Bowling Green. . .
Covington (St. Mary's Cathedral-Basilica of the Assumption) is home to the world's largest hand blown stained glass window in existence. It measures an astounding 24 feet by 67 feet and contains 117 different figures. . .
The world’s largest crucifix, standing at sixty (60) feet tall, is in Bardstown (Nelson Co.). . .
Fort Knox holds more than $6 billion worth of gold - the largest amount stored anywhere in the world. . .
The JIF plant in Lexington is the world's largest peanut butter producing facility. . .
Kentucky has more resort parks than any other state in the nation. . .
Middlesboro is the only US city built inside a meteor crater. . .
Newport is home to The World Peace Bell, the world's largest free-swinging bell. . .
Pike County is the world's largest producer of coal. . .
Pikeville annually leads the nation (per capita) in consumption of Pepsi-Cola. . .
Post-It Notes are made exclusively in Cynthiana, Ky. . .
Christian County is 'wet', while Bourbon County is 'dry'. . .
Louisville, Ky. Leads the nation in sales of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup. . .

From todays Inbox:

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like the statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country - if they could find the time - and if they didn't have to leave southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who is running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it but, if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority gay feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
AND
12. None of these is read by the guy who is running the country.

Um, o-o-o-o-kay . . .

I think I have now officially seen everything.

On The View yesterday, Rosie introduced a singer she saw on YouTube, who proceeded to perform a histrionic version of "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls. Now, when I say histrionic, I mean HISTRIONIC--Jennifer Holliday was well-nigh comatose compared to this. It's like the love child of Jim Steinman and Dee Snyder, strung out on acid. See it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbmWxXgw81U, then come back here.

And, yes--it was performed by a guy, whose name is Von Smith.

Now, props to the kid for getting on TV, but that song just does not work when sung by a man--it's rather silly. The only time that song works when sung by a man involves big hair and high heels. It comes across as downright silly that a man would ever be that upset that his woman asked him to leave her. The audience seems really puzzled at first, but gets a little more enthusiastic toward the end when he really does his vocal loop-de-loops

By the way, this kid has other videos on YouTube, including a cover of Over the Rainbow that is just as drag-a-licious. Again, the lyrics just sound silly when sung by a man.

Nice try, Von. Please choose some more appropriate material--you do have a powerful, if overutilized, instrument. You're turning yourself into a one-trick pony without even realizing it.

Perhaps you should look into joining one of the screeching metal bands from the 80s?

Me thinks he doth protest too much . . .

The lawyer for a former Baptist church leader who had spoken out against homosexuality said Thursday the minister has a constitutional right to solicit sex from an undercover policeman. The Rev. Lonnie W. Latham had supported a resolution calling on gays and lesbians to reject their ''sinful, destructive lifestyle'' before his Jan. 3, 2006, arrest outside the Habana Inn in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Authorities say he asked the undercover policeman to come up to his hotel for oral sex.His attorney, Mack Martin, filed a motion to have the misdemeanor lewdness charge thrown out, saying the Supreme Court ruled in the 2003 decision Lawrence v. Texas that it was not illegal for consenting adults to engage in private homosexual acts. 'Now, my client's being prosecuted basically for having offered to engage in such an act, which basically makes it a crime to ask someone to do something that's legal,'' Martin said.

While there was clearly no law broken and the arrest was incorrect, they all seem to be missing the big picture: HE WAS SOLICITING GAY SEX!

Same song, another verse

This quote appeared in an Entertainment article in the Courier-Journal on Friday, not on the editorial page:
We don't usually watch the Oscars," said Vincent. "It's an overly lengthy parade of posturing dilettantes with overinflated egos and a shallow opinion about everything. My wife and I see very few movies in theaters -- a couple a year perhaps -- because most movies are so full of objectionable material."
Vincent also has a beef with DeGeneres.
"Ellen is a very, very funny lady, but she has made some unfortunate lifestyle choices (but then few in Hollywood haven't) and that makes it difficult for me to enjoy her performances." (DeGeneres is a lesbian.)

My response ran on Sunday in the Editorial section:
"For Heaven's sake, where do you find these people? Ellen Degeneres is hosting an award show, not running for Lesbian of the Year. Her personal life is totally irrelevant, and I resent Tom Dorsey quoting a reader who turns an article about the Oscar telecast into an anti-gay forum. Since your reader apparently hasn't discovered this on his own, let me point out that sexual identity is not a "lifestyle choice." Did the man Dorsey quoted wake up one day and say "Gee, I think I'll be straight?" Of course not, and these homophobes who presume that others somehow "choose" to be gay--and then get quoted saying so--perpetuate the hatred against gays and lesbians that we have fought for thousands of years.

Mr. Dorsey, please focus the quotes in your entertainment articles on the subjects and leave the socio-religious commentary elsewhere. There are already enough snide bigots appearing on the C-J editorial pages."

That's nice, but. . .

Big story in the paper today explaining that GE is really going to push compact fluorescents. Australia is apparently moving to ban incandescent bulbs altogether, and GE is expecting a global sweep of this movement.

I like compact fluorescents, but they are not dimmable. We have dimmer switches and X-10 controls on virtually every light in the house, and compact fluorescents will not work.

So, until the whiz kids at GE can create a dimmable fluorescent, the greenhouse emissions will have to continue at Chez Scott.

St. James Court Art Show poster

Nope, this is not a preview of this year's poster. This is one of my two losing entries from 2005, but I like it enough that I thought I'd share. I have a poster-sized one in my bedroom.

And another thing. . .

Why are so many (especially Democrats, of all people) so intent on having Hillary say that she made a mistake by voting for Iraq? I have heard countless people say they like her ideas and policies, but that they cannot support her until they hear her say her vote was a mistake. Somehow they seem to think she is dishonoring our troops by not saying her vote was an error. Folks, you're being simplistic and juvenile.

Hillary's vote was not a mistake according to the majority of this country who supported the Iraq war back in the days when we wanted some sort of vengeance for 9-11. We did, admit it.
Bush and Co. deliberately sold us a bill of goods to get the war they wanted and Congress--Hillary included--voted based on Bush's assertions. Not a mistake, just a product of deliberate misinformation, courtesy of the most veracity-challenged group of politicians in memory. These people make Nixon look good.

These people who vilify Hillary Clinton for refusing to repudiate a vote that was correct based on the lies told to Congress and the country need to instead vent their frustration at the current administration. This administration lied to Congress and the people of the United States, and have continued to do so for years. These are impeachable offenses, and it's about time we as a citizenry demanded this.

The "mistake" would be to let Bush, Cheney, et al., get away with all this subterfuge and malfeasance. That would truly dishonor our veterans and our citizenry.

Spare me, please.

Well, another local family is preparing to sue the LMPD for wrongful death after a family member died, despite the fact that:

• the man was standing naked in the middle of an intersecting behaving in a belligerent manner.
• the man did not follow officers orders.
• the officers were cleared of wrongdoing after an appropriate inquiry.
• the medical examiner ruled that the man's death was not caused by the Taser, but rather from another condition altogether.

Yeah, let's sue. I am so tired of those in our populace who see a family member's death as a chance to hit the financial jackpot. There is another local case in which a young man with no criminal history ran from police who were trying to stop him for driving erratically. Again, this man had no record of any kind, yet he stupidly ran from police and was struck and killed by the police cruiser when he ran into the road. The family demands to know why they chased him in the car rather than on foot, completely ignoring the obvious question of why the young man ran. They ignore this question because it places the onus of responsibility on his own actions, and not those of the police.

Yet another case involves a man who stole from a local grocery store, led police on a high-speed chase into another state, and then was shot and killed after officers were erroneously relayed an incorrect nature of his crime. Again, the family is playing the civil suit lottery, and again, they ignore the fact the if he had not stolen, had not fled at high speed, etc., he would most likely still be alive.

Instead of folks attempting to profit from the deaths of loved ones who die while breaking the law or ignoring officers' attempts at peacekeeping, I wish people would go back to playing the Powerball in an effort to get rich quick.

I think we found him.

DUI Georgia Style

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Savannah, Georgia. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night) -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left.
At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it." said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

The power of illusion!

This is pretty freakin' hilarious, especially if you've ever seen David Blane or Criss Angel on television. A really terrific parody!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPB9tq7f_1k

We've got plenty of reserves!

My other Ernie Fletcher cartoon (never published)

I really liked this one, but no one else did apparently! The courts ruled that Fletcher could not be charged and tried with anything while he was still in office (which was an idiotic ruling, by the way).

My second published cartoon

This is the second cartoon I had published. It appeared in the Lexington Herald-Leader back when Governor Ernie Fletcher was in trouble.

Carson Kressley is returning!

From the Louisville (KY) Courier-Journal:

Queen may grace Derby: Secret Service preparing for visit on first Saturday in May.

A moment of mute, please.

From the Hollywood Reporter:
Hit the mute button for a moment of silence: The co-inventor of the TV remote has died. Robert Adler, who won an Emmy Award along with fellow engineer Eugene Polley for the device that made couch potatoship possible, died Thursday of heart failure at a Boise nursing home at 93, Zenith Electronics Corp. said Friday. In his six-decade career with Zenith, Adler was a prolific inventor, earning more than 180 U.S. patents. He was best known for his 1956 Zenith Space Command remote control, which helped make TV a truly sedentary pastime.

When you think about, this explains a lot about hit television shows in the 1960s. Before the late sixties, remote controls were not common. Therefore, folks had to get up off the couch to change channels, which was just waaaayyy to much work. Thus, whatever channel was on, stayed on. Hence you have #1 shows like The Beverly Hillbillies and Petticoat Junction.

When the remotes became more common, viewers had the convenience of changing channels at any time. Of course, there were only three or four channels from which to choose, but it was still an improvement for the sedentary.

Now we're in 2007, where several hundred cable channels are common. The instruction manuals for smart remotes are are thick as Jackie Collins' last book, and it takes seven steps just to change channels.

With all that progress, how many times do you hear that plaintive cry "There's nothing on!"

My very first cartoon--never published until now!

Not my kid!

Gay, gay, gay--that's all the gossip columns talk about these days. Who is? Who isn't? For all you parents out there, here are a few telltale signs. Your son might be gay IF:

He wants to paint his bedroom puce.
He remembers the name of Steven's lover on Dynasty.
He refuses to wear anything polyester.
You catch little Bobby trying on his mother's dresses and he looks better in them than she does.
He plucks anything other than guitar strings.
His clown costume for Halloween is the outfit worn by Judy Gar1and in A Star is Born.
He owns all of Madonna's albums and all of Madonna's outfits.
He spends so much time in the tanning beds that his complexion resembles something by Gucci.
He is convinced the Pulitzer people have blackballed Danielle Steele.
He goes into a depressive funk each year after Susan Lucci loses the Daytime Emmy.
He knows about Janice Van Meter.
He refuses to wear a T-shirt claiming that anything "rules."
The milk crates in his college dorm room have been sponge painted.
He serves Big Macs on Noritaki.
He knows that Lalique and Baccarat are not European capitols.
His male friends revere musical theater and sport hair colors that do not exist in nature.
He has a pattern registered and he is not getting married.
He presses and starches his T-shirts.
He has ever created anything using Oasis foam...
He makes Christopher Lowell look butch.
His “girlfriend” wears flannel and has sideburns.
He sets the VCR to record HGTV.
He uses his newspaper delivery money for a subscription to Elle.
His biceps are bigger than his waistline.
He knows about "Sex on the Beach" and has never been near the ocean.
His wrist is so limp he wears a splint to sign checks.
He doesn't own a single wire hanger.
None of the chenille in his home is a bathrobe.
He called the station to complain when the National Weather Service interrupted Reba.
He says men will never be allowed to marry because the fat girls will have no one to dance with at the reception.
He owns three different pairs of construction boots and he's never built anything in his life.


So there you have it. Not all the telltale signs, to be sure, but enough so that you parents out there will not be blindsided when the love of little Johnny's life turns out to have a beard and thinning hair and a mortgage.

This was the first cartoon of mine that was published in an actual newspaper

Winter Wonderland

Why is it the only time we get any snow is when the weathermen DON'T predict it?

OH, MY GOD! A FREAKING BLIZZARD IS COMING!!! SUPER TRIPLER DOPPLER RADAR INDICATES WIDESPREAD ICEBALLS AND FLAMING DEBRIS DESCENDING ON THE METRO AREA AT 6:13 PM!!! SEEK SHELTER!!! SIGN YOUR WILL!!! BUY MILK AND BREAD!!! WE'LL BE BROADCASTING WITHOUT INTERRUPTION FOR THE NEXT 11 HOURS UNTIL WILL CAN CONFIRM THAT THE FIRST SNOWFLAKE HAS FALLEN!!! AAAIIIIIGGGHHHH!!!!

We've been falling for this nonsense for thirty years. Weatherfolk, give it a rest. Tell us the high and lows, and whether or not the sun might shine tomorrow. Okay, there's a chance of snow? Tell us that. But then, SHUT UP! We don't need you in-depth analysis of the computer models, or time-lapse data from the topographic map you built our of old Bic pens: just tell what the weather was, is, and may yet be. Then get us back to the news.

Back in the nascent days of today's weather obsession, the local weatherman stood in front of and easel with a magic marker and drew picture of suns and clouds and cold fronts. Today, the Top Story on the evening news is usually a snowfall in, like, Iowa--but it MIGHT make it to Kentucky, you never know, we just want to be the FIRST to warn you about it. This warning, of course, was delivered earlier in the afternoon when the broke into Days of Our Lives for twenty minutes to tell us that they had important weather news coming up at five.

Today, between the swirling animations, multiple hyper-sensitive radars, computer projections, and the weather anchors' combined 52 years of forecasting experience (not to mention being "approved by the American Meteorological Society"), these guys still cannot get even CLOSE to predicting Kentuckiana weather. Well, at least on the right day (as an aside, why is it called Kentuckiana? Indyucky seems more appropriate).

Gotta go--Local on the Eights is on.

Good movie to recommend

Here' s a really cute movie for you to Netflix next week (you do have Netflix, don't you?): Kinky Boots. It's from the folks who brought you Calendar Girls, and it's a fun flick. It's not perfect: there are a couple of dragging sections, and it needed a little more of that unique British humor, but it's good enough that I'll be buying it.

Joel Edgerton (the young Owen Lars in the Star Wars prequels) is really good, and brings to mind a young Albert Finney. The standout, however, is Chiwetel Ejiofor (pronounced Chew-it-all Edge-If-For) who is just amazing as a character who is so removed from his real-life persona. He's been in a few other movies, and he deserves to be a BIG star. He is really outstanding in this film, and reminds me of Tim Curry in Rocky Horror in the way he uses his voice in this film. Stunning performance!

Another cartoon of mine

Second verse, same as the first . . .

Despite his own experts who say there is no link between Iran and the violence in Iraq, George W. told us on Wednesday that he "just knows" there is a connection. Hmmmm.

He told us in the buildup to war that despite evidence to the contrary (that he and his administration hid) he "just knew" there was a connection between Iraq and 9/11.

Folks, those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. When are we going to learn. This is a man who managed to screw up his own businesses, and yet we thought he could run the country?

On that score, why are the politicians, pundits, and reporters repeatedly bemoaning Barack Obama's "lack of foreign policy experience." Where was their concern when George W. was running for office? He had NO experience at ANYTHING on the national level.

Aargh!

Winning the baby lottery

I've decided to throw my hat in the ring for the upcoming election. No, not the 2008 Presidential race, but the sure-to-be-Supreme-Court-assisted contest to decide the paternity of Dannielynn Smith.

I never met Ms. Smith before her tragic and untimely death. I am even less heterosexual than Rev. Ted Haggard. Despite these two shortcomings, I feel I possess the same overriding quality that several of Dannielynn's other potential baby-daddies display: soul-numbing, unrelenting greed.

In my favor, I am not a bloodsucking Svengali who "loved" her but refused her the help she clearly needed; I'm not old enough to be her grandfather, like Zsa Zsa's husband; and I'm not old enough to be her great-grandfather, like her own late husband.
Add in the photographer, the bodyguard, and candidates yet to declare, and you realize this poor woman was allegedly having more sack time than ten pounds of potatoes! No wonder she was always so out of it: Girl was exhausted!

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it (at least until I can think of a better way to out-schmuck the schmucks trying to get their hands on that $450 million).

George W is at it again

My latest cartoon